A vocation in a vocation

Quote: beachbumbabs

From my perspective, you seem deeply depressed and discouraged. Not sure what led you there. .

Wow, where do you see that, I'm not getting
that from FrG at all, quite the opposite in fact.

Quote: Evenbob

Wow, where do you see that, I'm not getting
that from FrG at all, quite the opposite in fact.

I hope you are correct. I really do.

He usually speaks from a position of serene faith, vast religious education, and inner knowledge when he debates faith topics with you, Nareed and others. Strength to strength, one of the best Christian / Atheist dialogues probably ever written anywhere collectively. I've often thought, with some editing for duplication and irrelevancies, they should be published for a much wider audience.

He's not doing that this time. He's in a doubting, seeking voice, writing from the fetal position. You're answering in your usual aggressive voice, and he's absorbing only the negative and critical parts of what you're saying, pursuing the downward spiral. Maybe he's trying to hit bottom so he can start recovering, like an addict; I don't know. But he's a boxer hanging from the ropes IMO so I rang the bell.

I could be wrong.

I interpreted it as to his similar questions like when we was thinking of trying marijuana. Or when he was talking about quitting gambling. Or when he was going to become an "ice trucker".

Okay, nix on that last one.

Sure it's an important question. Deciding on major forks in the road that can affect you for years always is.

Once again I am grateful to the forum and really appreciate the good perspective and what I perceive in almost all cases good will. I do feel in some ways the anonymity is a little like the confessional and I can be honest here in a way that I wouldn't at this point even with my own bishop. I wanted to share some points that really resonated with me.

I do agree that I am called to an active life more so than a contemplative one. [edit: I still feel there may be a combination of these two to be found in a monastery.]

I think Dalex's comment was the most piercing and perceptive, in a really good way. I do feel guilty sometimes that I can't give more or do more for the Lord. I am willing to sacrifice my happiness to do so, but when I attempt some radical mortification or extra sacrifices in my life I give them up over time. I wish I was stronger and more disciplined. I feel part of the possible call to religious life is out of weakness. It is an attempt to gather a community around me and structure my day with bells and a precision that will force me into what in my dreams I desire to give to God. The problem is that this type of motivation or thought isn't healthy or holy. It is a common plague for committed Christians to think that they have to compete in some weird way with the Lord Jesus and His love. I will lost every time. Nor does God desire me to be unhappy for love. How many times have I counselled couples to reject the thought that unhappiness is just part of marriage. God desires us to be happy and we should work towards finding that not resigning ourselves to torture out of love for God. Maybe this dilemma is what Babs perceived as depression or being up against the ropes?

Maybe the Lord is calling me to fulfill my dream of a more complete giving of myself with the help of a monastery? Maybe He is calling me to give myself more without that external help? The scariest thing of all is that perhaps the Lord is calling me to be happy with were I am at and accept the free gift of His love without trying to do any heroics or more sacrifice - to simply allow myself to be loved as I am?

Quote: beachbumbabs

He's in a doubting, seeking voice, writing from the fetal position. You're answering in your usual aggressive voice,

Which he expects, believe me. There's
as much chance of him internalizing
what I say as the there is the sun won't
come up tomorrow. Men deal with these
things in an entirely different way than
women do. We welcome lots of different
input, we say things to each other that
women would never say to another woman
in a hundred years.

Quote: beachbumbabs

And I still think you're a communicator, not a contemplator.

Another pearl from BBB. It is hard to fathom a man who puts himself out there as a man of the Lord on a GAMBLING FORUM would want to live his life as a Monk instead of a as a Priest in the community of people.

I read the OP before anyone had posted. The one thing, the only thing, that popped instantly into my head was "What are you scared of?" I know that thought doesn't mean, like, "Do it! What are you scared of?", but in trying to determine what it meant, I find myself at a loss. Yet here I am. And that's still my pervasive thought.

What are you scared of?

Quote: beachbumbabs

Maybe he's trying to hit bottom so he can start recovering, like an addict; I don't know.

There is no bottom, and don't ever be so foolish as to believe there is one. What looks like a firm landing can be passed through with no effort at all. You either swim, or you die.

Someone once told me God is love. Seems to me that titles and hierarchy are of little consequence.

Quote: FrGamble

Maybe the Lord is calling me to fulfill my dream of a more complete giving of myself with the help of a monastery? Maybe He is calling me to give myself more without that external help? The scariest thing of all is that perhaps the Lord is calling me to be happy with were I am at and accept the free gift of His love without trying to do any heroics or more sacrifice - to simply allow myself to be loved as I am?

He rarely gives a direct answer, just leads you to it.

Quote: AZDuffman

He rarely gives a direct answer, just leads you to it.

He never gives a direct answer, just like
Santa never answered your letters.. Duh..

My brother collapsed at work last
week with congestive heart failure.
He was in hospital for 5 days, just
got out an hour ago. A lot went thru
my tiny mind in the last week, but
never once did I think of god. Not.
One. Time.

I even thought my brother might not
make it. Never thought of praying,
never even remotely occurred to me.
Why would it. I didn't even realize all
this till I heard he was all right.

Quote: Evenbob

He never gives a direct answer, just like
Santa never answered your letters.. Duh..

My brother collapsed at work last
week with congestive heart failure.
He was in hospital for 5 days, just
got out an hour ago. A lot went thru
my tiny mind in the last week, but
never once did I think of god. Not.
One. Time.

I even thought my brother might not
make it. Never thought of praying,
never even remotely occurred to me.
Why would it. I didn't even realize all
this till I heard he was all right.

"There are no atheists in foxholes" says it all.

I always wonder if Murry O'Hair held out when the chips were down for her.