The Insanity of the United States Postal Service

Quote: rxwine

So, their entire line of products is a potato and mini burlap sack. har.

Y'all remember the Pet Rock company... its entire line was a small round rock delivered in a tiny cardboard container remisiscent of a carton used by the local dog pound. Six million dollars in nine months according to an SEC filing.

Quote: rxwine

So, their entire line of products is a potato and mini burlap sack. har.

If it sells, why do anything more...

Better than a "pet rock", at least you can eat it if you are hungry.

Quote: TheCesspit

If it sells, why do anything more...

Potato's are quite the cultural item now. Yes,it is true that I am very cultured and have been to the Potato Museum. All out of town visitors get a free order of hash browns.

Quote: Fleastiff

Y'all remember the Pet Rock company... its entire line was a small round rock delivered in a tiny cardboard container remisiscent of a carton used by the local dog pound. Six million dollars in nine months according to an SEC filing.

Maybe I could start a company, get your name on a brick on a building on Mars.

A few problems, but that never stops a good seller.

Quote: rxwine

Maybe I could start a company, get your name on a brick on a building on Mars.
A few problems, but that never stops a good seller.

Maybe its time for pet rock Redux? Maybe give Keno lessons?

Suppose today's a good a day as any to have the entire forum hate my face. I am Dark Cloud, spreading a shadow of pain and misery over all that I survey...

I was delivering a parcel to a house today, one which has a known dog problem. I use "problem" liberally; it's really totally avoidable. The dog is slow, I know about it, the owner knows they'll not get mail if it's out, and the dog will not leave its property to pursue. In all, not much of a problem.

Well, the SOB was sleeping behind some bushes and under the stairs. Not until I was two risers up did I hear the rustle, and to be honest, I thought it was squirrels. Not until the noises ceased to stop did it slowly roll into my brain - That f#$%ing dog. I managed to get my ass off the stairs before it came, but it came just as I hit the concrete. Already "right there", my parcel already delivered, it's just me and him.

I pointed down saying "No" firmly while backing away. Didn't matter. It didn't even pause, didn't even flinch when my hand raised. It lunged, I shucked. Again with the "No", again with a forceful point. Again, it didn't even flinch. I never stopped backing up as it lunged again, this time I jived. Still never stopped coming. I backed up double time this time, and that got his blood up. Now it's a chase. F#$% me, I goofed. I planted, expecting a hesitation. Nope. Straight at me and attacked again. Another juke, still ain't touched me. But I just juked myself to the limit. I have just enough space to maneuver, but nowhere left to go.

He attacked for the fourth time, I skirted it, planted, and caught his outstretched jaw with possibly the most solid right cross I've ever thrown. It didn't have an ounce of hate or anger behind it, but it was easily a stand up triple. Snuffed it. Dropped in its tracks.

I thought I killed the SOB. It had recoiled and went out mid air, flopping backwards and landing in a pile. Fortunately, by the time I had made it to the safety of the street, it had staggered back to its feet and had the wherewithal to keep coming and post up right on the property line. But it's an old dog, and big. And I caught him with everything I had.

Took the rest of that street and half another before I stopped shaking enough to properly sling the mail. Then I had a little weep. I suspect I haven't finished that part of the ordeal and will finish it later today. Hockey aside, I haven't struck a living thing in... it's been a long time.

To be safe, I reported it to the postmaster the instant I returned. And while the storytelling began with him giggling and his telling of his own experiences, it ended with him saying if the customer bitches, the dog needs a medic, or it dies, I'll likely be fired. Doesn't matter that I had no time for anything including the spray had I had it on; I didn't have spray = my fault.

If I could go a day without hurting someone, something, or generally f@#$ing up my life, it would be the first time in years...

Sorry for your bad day. Although I can't imagine punching a dog, It clearly sounds like self defense and you had no other choice at the moment. Keep that spray on your belt.

Face! Total sympathy, why would we hate you?

Quote: DRich

Although I can't imagine punching a dog,...

It was weird indeed. The thought to hit it never crossed my mind. I think the grand total of ALL my thoughts through that entire ordeal were "dog, f@#$, back, omg I killed it". Like everything else, no time to think and it's over before you know what happened. Had I had but one jiffy in which to think, I would've blown that dog's doors off. I'd have been to the truck before it made it a dog's length from the stairs. But I didn't. Could only react based on experience.

Suppose I should thank the bullies of my yute. Thanks for the killer right, a$$h#$%s ;)

Quote: odiousgambit

Face! Total sympathy, why would we hate you?

Cuz yesterday turned into dog love day with posts aplenty about the wonders of dogs and how awesome they are, and here I come and straight smoked one. I may not have crow hopped into it or sent it on its path with malice, but it was a rear leg planted, hips rotated, every knuckle contacted so you don't even feel it punch. That fist had 18 years of baseball behind it, and that poor dog caught every day of it. Plus, it's just a dog performing its dogly duties. I'm the one who f#$%ed up, but he paid for it.

People have been lynched for less. Hell, even I cried about it =/