Confessional

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November 2nd, 2012 at 3:58:19 PM permalink
DorothyGale
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 8
Quote: Wizard
That was quite a post. I think it would take lots of money in therapy to come truly come to such a realization. For now, my life philosophy is "Judge others leniently, judge yourself harshly."
What good does judging yourself do except to create a battle of "you vs. you" that you can never win? It's a circle, the snake chasing it's tail ... therapy is good, it's expensive, but it's not the best solution ... still, it is much better than simplistic and formulaic fixes ... just because you confess something does not mean it must be bad or wrong or anything else except what you have judged it to be ... forgiving your judgements of yourself is the fastest way from self-loathing to self-love ... does a dog judge itself for being a dog?

Now, if only I could take my own advice ... I am so damn mean to people who love me, such a know-it-all, and I hate the dumb people who live on this farm ... Auntie Em is really Auntie "Ummm..."

--Ms. D.
"Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!" -- Elpha
November 2nd, 2012 at 4:00:14 PM permalink
Wizard
Administrator
Member since: Oct 23, 2012
Threads: 239
Posts: 6095
Quote: fourdeuces
Six years ago I had an affair with a co-worker...


Thanks for sharing your story.

I go along with the idea of writing a few letters to your closest friends there. Don't bring up any details, just apologize for cutting off communication so suddenly, and say the reason is personal.
Knowledge is Good -- Emil Faber
November 2nd, 2012 at 4:03:45 PM permalink
Wizard
Administrator
Member since: Oct 23, 2012
Threads: 239
Posts: 6095
Quote: DorothyGale
... forgiving your judgements of yourself is the fastest way from self-loathing to self-love ...


I don't have the belief that I have the right or authority to forgive myself. Only the person I wronged can do that. Until then, I feel I tore the fabric that bonds all people together, and there is no way to mend it.
Knowledge is Good -- Emil Faber
November 2nd, 2012 at 4:12:17 PM permalink
DorothyGale
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 8
Quote: Wizard
I don't have the belief that I have the right or authority to forgive myself. Only the person I wronged can do that. Until then, I feel I tore the fabric that bonds all people together, and there is no way to mend it.
The result of this type of need (to have the person you "wronged" forgive you) is a condition called "co-dependence," which creates quite an issue by itself ... you might consider who on this board you have recently forgiven (or has forgiven you) and think about if that relationship feels healthy or not ... I think "not" ...

from Wikithingy ...
Quote:
[Codependence] often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.
"Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!" -- Elpha
November 2nd, 2012 at 4:17:06 PM permalink
FarFromVegas
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 121
Quote: Wizard
I don't have the belief that I have the right or authority to forgive myself. Only the person I wronged can do that. Until then, I feel I tore the fabric that bonds all people together, and there is no way to mend it.


Here we limit Trick-or-Treating to those under 13, so I don't have to worry about high school students on my porch expecting trivia questions and candy. It would be a Class Four misdemeanor for them to be there. I get to admire the little princesses and ninjas and then they leave with their loot and we've fulfilled our social contract for another year.
This space for rent
November 2nd, 2012 at 4:21:32 PM permalink
fourdeuces
Member since: Nov 2, 2012
Threads: 0
Posts: 2
Quote: Wizard

I go along with the idea of writing a few letters to your closest friends there. Don't bring up any details, just apologize for cutting off communication so suddenly, and say the reason is personal.


Thank you for the advice. I'm forever contemplating on this but it does seem helpful to "confess". Thank you for the new forum as well.
November 2nd, 2012 at 7:09:16 PM permalink
FrGamble
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 67
Posts: 7596
fourdeuces, as you may know the seal of confession is sacrosanct and can never be violated, but since you are annyomously sharing your story and expressed a desire to use your experience to help others I wonder if I may share it with a few people. I think it not only shows the inevitable problems and pain that follow infidelity but it also shows how the shame and guilt can be just as devasating. That is why it is so important to get rid of that guilt, shame, and judgment you have carried around for too long. I think this is what Dorothy is trying to get at. However, the big difference she and I would have is that this freedom from guilt and shame is not just so that you can feel better, but it is a freedom to be the person God created you to be and you want to be - namely awesome! So I really hope that you in some ways feel forgiven and freed to be more of the wonderful person you are (and if you are Catholic and want to experience even more awesome love and forgiveness call a priest and go to real confession).

By the way in a case like this when a good person already is obviously sorry about a serious sin and is trying to move on I rarely feel like there is a need to give a pennance. You've gone through a lot and if you feel like writing a few letters to people like the Wizard suggest I think that is great, but more than anything allow yourself to be forgiven and free!
“It is with the smallest brushes that the artist paints the most exquisitely beautiful pictures.” (
November 3rd, 2012 at 6:06:49 AM permalink
MonkeyMonkey
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 0
Posts: 111
Quote: FarFromVegas
Here we limit Trick-or-Treating to those under 13, so I don't have to worry about high school students on my porch expecting trivia questions and candy. It would be a Class Four misdemeanor for them to be there.


Who enforces that? Where does this occur?
World's most discriminating Kool-Aid connoisseur
November 3rd, 2012 at 7:29:20 AM permalink
Fleastiff
Member since: Oct 27, 2012
Threads: 62
Posts: 7831
Several communities ban trick or treating by those over 12 figuring that the wearing of masks and the annoying behavior just isn't worth it.
November 3rd, 2012 at 8:48:23 AM permalink
FarFromVegas
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 121
Quote: MonkeyMonkey
Who enforces that? Where does this occur?


Regulations for local cities here.

I see one city has it as a Class 3. I've never seen it enforced here in the suburbs but I expect there's more of an official presence in urban areas and probably in response to complaints.
This space for rent
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